Avis Blackthorn: Is Not an Evil Wizard! Read online

  Avis Blackthorn:

  Is Not an Evil Wizard!

  Jack Simmonds

  ~~~

  Smashwords edition

  Copyright © 2015 Jack Simmonds

  All rights reserved.

  Third edition.

  ISBN: 1502345498

  ISBN-13: 978-1502345493

  This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, businesses, places, events and incidents are either the products of the author’s imagination or used in a fictitious manner. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, or actual events is purely coincidental. All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any electronic or mechanical means, including photocopying, recording or by any information storage and retrieval system, without the written permission of the Author, except where permitted by law.

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  CONTENTS

  CHAPTER ONE The Blackthorn Family

  CHAPTER TWO The Boy from 'Yorkshire'

  CHAPTER THREE The Condor Form

  CHAPTER FOUR The Lost Channeller

  CHAPTER FIVE An Evil Humiliation

  CHAPTER SIX Malakai

  CHAPTER SEVEN The Partington's

  CHAPTER EIGHT A Key Revelation

  CHAPTER NINE The Final Plan

  CHAPTER TEN The Golden Escalator

  CHAPTER ELEVEN Ernie’s Story

  Did you know?

  Avis Blackthorn and the Magical Multicolour Jumper (Book 2)

  CHAPTER ONE

  The Blackthorn Family

  From the outside you would think my family exceptionally strange. They pride themselves on being the most evil family in all of the Seven Magical Kingdoms, a title which no one is due to question. We, the Blackthorns, are pretty notorious.

  My name is Avis Blackthorn and I am twelve years old. I am currently at the end of my summer holidays and due, in six and a half days, to start at Hailing Hall School for Wizards. It’s a school for other young Wizards like myself from all over the Magical and Non-Magical lands.

  As most of you reading this will probably be from the Non-Magical lands, or The Outside, as we call it, I suppose I had better explain: we, Wizards, live in a similar dimension to you, but separate and kind of invisible. Happendance is the Kingdom I live in and it’s probably the second worst, after Farkingham - which is just a black dustbowl. Happendance is all forest and filled with stupid annoying fairytale creatures.

  I can’t wait to start school and get out of this draughty castle and away from my stupid family. Can you believe it, Hailing Hall is a boarding school, so I get to actually stay there, like actually live there! My last school was just a magical theory school for youngsters just down the road, so I had to come back every night.

  The castle that my parents insist on calling Darkampton Manor is cold, damp and in major need of repair. My parents never seem to have the time to do much about it (I think they like the cold). Anyway, they are too busy working for their beloved, evil high master - Malakai. He is the most evil high master Sorcerer these Seven Kingdoms have ever seen. He’s killed more people than a Wolfraptor (a huge, flying, killer wolf). In fact, if a Wolfraptor came face to face with Malakai, it would probably scream like a girl and fly away (no offence to any girls). My parents are totally and utterly in love with him and think he does tiny golden nugget poo’s. They are always talking about him.

  I’ve only ever seen him once and had nightmares ever since. He wears this dark black hood like Death and has these horns on his head and his hands… his hands are like black charred skeletons hands, all bony and disfigured. He even spoke to me once. He asked me, in his deep rasping voice like splintering wood if I, like the rest of family, would be coming to work for him when I left school. I didn't say anything. My Mum had tried to hide me upstairs, not because she thought I would be scared, she couldn't care less about that, but because she is ashamed of me.

  They all are. Ashamed of me because I am not inherently evil like they are. My Mum is a hard woman, not one to cross. She’s a terribly fierce witch who works constantly. I have three older sisters, almost identical to her in looks and personality. Then there’s my three older brothers, all terribly handsome, fiercely competitive and unashamedly evil.

  I am not good looking, Mum says I have a sloped, unsymmetrical face. I am not competitive or good at anything at all, apart from reading, but you can’t be competitive at reading can you? Unless there’s a ‘how many books can you read in a week’ competition. I’d probably win that. And to cap it all, I am in no way evil. I don’t even have the heart to kill a fly. They all joke that they think I am either adopted or was accidentally swapped at birth. I’m not sure.

  My parents do all sorts for Malakai. They run meetings with other Malakai supporters and organise evil things. Toppling the government seems a priority currently.

  Right now I am in one of the topmost towers, one of the least draughty ones, seeing how long it is before they come and drag me downstairs. The youngest sister is getting married to some poor deluded Prince who doesn't have a clue what’s happening. He’s under some kind of Spell, I just know it. They are having some pre-engagement party and I have to go and ‘mingle’. They should be up here soon, I felt a Searching Spell shoot around my feet about twenty minutes ago.

  The older sisters: Marianne, Gertrude and Wendice arrived in separate carriages last night, along with the poor Prince. My brother’s not far behind. Rory and Gary arrived with their friends Danny, Larry and Stan. My other brother Ross still lives at home with me and is the bane of my life. They all made such an entrance and palaver when returning home last night, that Wendice (the one who’s getting married) pretended to feint until everyone’s attention was directed back on her. This is normal.

  This all proceeded with around three hundred guests pilling in from all over the Seven Magical Kingdoms. Our poor Irish butler Kilkenny had been making beds for the last three months.

  BANG! My door flies open. I’ve been rumbled. It’s Gertrude, the fattest of my sisters.

  “What are you doing up here when it’s Wendice’s big day?!” she calls, loud enough for the entire castle to hear.

  “I am not… just about to…” I stutter.

  Her face wobbles as it talks, which is pretty funny. “Well get your bony backside downstairs and mingle… there’s people down there who want to take the mick out of you. There’s people expecting entertainment!” She cackles.

  I am treated like a kind of performing monkey. They ask me to perform Magic sometimes because apparently it’s so hilarious watching someone so rubbish. Mum stops it if she sees, because she doesn't want me upstaging the family. I don't know why they don't just give me up for adoption, it would be the best thing for everyone.

  I follow fat Gertrude, her wobbly bottom barely fitting inside a huge blue dress. I thought about telling her that she needn't worry if she falls down the long stone spiral staircase, because she’ll have an equivalent of about fifty cushions to soften the fall. I don’t, just in case she sits on me and squashes
me to death.

  The party was just as I expected, lots of horrible people I know I hate who all look at me and smile gleefully as Gertrude announces my arrival, while stuffing three eclairs in her big wobbly gob.

  I hid as best I could, keeping my head low to avoid all dark gazes, I even hid under a table as Nasty Luke came my way. Mind you, most people get out of the way when Nasty Luke’s about, he stinks.

  Music started soon, with some classic Happendance folk. My brothers were all in a corner doing mini-duels until Dad came over, his presence enough to make them scatter. Dad is a cool guy, and an impressive figure. Standing over six feet tall, with a stare that could topple a giant troll. He always dresses smartly, and has recently grown a beard, which suits him. I like my Dad - I just wish he liked me. People in the party treat him with reverence, while others are jealous of the trust that Malakai has in him, I just know it.

  I grabbed a plate and helped myself to some food, narrowly avoiding Mum’s homemade trout and tomato rolls (don't ask). I sat in a corner eating my second helping of trifle, my favourite, and just about the only normal food around here. I noticed that there was no one my age here. Oh well, in a week I will be out of here! Finally have the chance to make some friends who don’t run away as soon as I tell them my name.

  Mum was trying her best to impress the guests with her trout and tomato rolls. I heard some people whispering over by the fried spider stand that Malakai might be making an appearance at the party. My heart froze, he better not be, otherwise I am off.

  I watched from my new hiding spot, just inside an alcove in the wall hidden by shadow, and observed these evil people, who, in some way or another were kind of ugly. I recognised quite a lot of faces from the Malakai meetings. There were Warlords and Warlocks, Pig-people, loads of Wicked Witches with their black cats and broomsticks, (yes, the stories are correct).

  Then my brothers found me. Creeping up on me by disguising themselves as the wall, they think they are so clever with their Magic. I knew they were up to something as soon as I saw them, they had that evil glint in their eye - too much rotten apple punch for a start.

  “What do you want?” I said.

  “Oh Avis,” said Rory, the oldest. “That’s no way to talk to your beloved brothers.”

  “Yeah, we just want some fun,” said Gary smiling malevolently, he was known for his evil smile.

  Rory, Ross and Gary held my shoulder and stood me up while Larry and Stan chuckled behind.

  Rory winked at me. “Were gonna make you evil Avis…”

  I sighed, there was no use getting out of this. There were six of them who could all do Magic, against one of me, who couldn't.

  They stood with me at the food table, Rory stayed close, whispering in my ear. “Right, grab that big bowl of trifle.”

  I did, too weary not to comply.

  “And…” Rory chuckled then signalled to the others.

  With a flick of their fingers, the bowl left my hands and flew into the air. It sailed right across the room to where Wendice stood. The trifle splattered all the way up her back as the crowd went stony silent. I turned, heart in my mouth, but my brothers had resumed to being a grey shade of wall. All eyes fell on me.

  The scream from Wendice sailed around the castle louder than a clan of banshee. Mum jumped in front of her, for she looked like she might murder me.

  Rory suddenly appeared from nowhere. “Avis, how could you?!” he called.

  “Yeah!” said Gary and Ross. “To your own Sister?!”

  Rory grabbed me by the collar. “Think you need to be punished!”

  They marched me to centre of the crowd. Before I knew it, my trousers and pants were round my ankles, in front of anyone who was anyone in Happendance. My face went more scarlet than the cherry punch. In a scramble, I tried to pull my trousers back up, but couldn’t, they were stuck! They had been Spelled to the floor… so everyone just stood, three hundred odd people, watching me flounder around on the floor with all my bits and bobs out. It’s safe to say, if I wasn't a laughing stock before, then I was the definition of laughing stock now.

  Wendice seemed reasonably revenged and laughed heartily along with the crowd. Mum and Dad undid the Spells and marched me away from the hall. Mum yelled at me for crying, then Dad told her he would “handle it”. Dad didn't look at me, he was ashamed, I knew it. Silently he walked me the servants quarters, handing me over to Butler Kilkenny, telling him to find me a locked room where I wouldn’t be found (which is partly what I wanted originally).

  ***

  Clunk went the door lock. There was no way out. I paced my new room in a complete foul mood. I should be used to it by now, getting treated like that for being the outcast, but the truth is I’m not. Not at all. I hate them all so much, with their smug faces and nasty, vindictive personalities. My brothers will all be patting each other on the back now and plotting their next prank on me. None of them care though, because well, they are evil… they are raised to be evil and follow perfectly in my parent’s footsteps. All will one day, be working for Malakai. I didn’t want that.

  I summoned all my stuff to this new room, a Spell which I have used far too often. I have to change rooms a lot to avoid being harassed by people. The Spell doesn't work as well as I’d like, I have to do it about ten times until all my stuff actually comes. Butler Kilkenny had put me in high turret, with a view of the deepest cavern below our castle. He did that on purpose. He knows I hate heights. I blocked the window with my dilapidated old wardrobe, it was falling to bits because of the amount of times I moved it around with the summoning Spell.

  If only I had some friends. I could move out of here and go live with them. I could plot against my horrible family. Make them look stupid, make them know what it feels like to be the laughing stock for once.

  After I calmed down I started to get all my stuff ready for Hailing Hall. This put me in a better mood, Hailing Hall was my way out of this damp, cold castle with incremental visits from various evil people. Hailing Hall would be my salvation. Every time I thought about it a little butterfly did jumps in my stomach.

  Enclosed in the letter from school I had a list of stuff I needed to get. I found my big green bag with wooden toggles and started to pile clothes in.

  Socks. Check.

  Pants. Check.

  Trousers and Jeans. Check.

  Shirts. Check.

  Jackets. Check.

  Jumpers. Check.

  Once that was suitably full I got another bag for my books. This bag was square, perfect for books, and made of Hubris leather so it could handle a lot. I piled in as many as I could fit, which sadly, was only about thirty. I hope they have a library at this school. My best friend and fluffy rabbit teddy Sedrick went in a third bag along with all my wash bits - Beatle Bit’s Toothpaste, Newt Eye Underarm Spray, Moss Moisturiser and Spider Leg Shower Gel.

  I am afraid I piled it all in rather haphazardly, as I was in a such a foul mood, that something rather smelly began leaking. I left them in a corner and sat on my bed for a long sulk about the gits downstairs. It’s then, that I noticed writing on the other side of the letter. The list continued on the back! I scanned it and was horrified as it read:

  Channeller: a Ring, Amulet or Pendant.

  Cauldron.

  Ever-changing long robes.

  Ever-changing tie.

  Then below that:

  No teddy bears or animals, alive or not, are permitted, nor are any books or reading matter.

  I huffed and stared at the letter. No books?! No Sedrick?! I charged back across my room and pulled all the non-permitted stuff out again. I put the books back on the shelf, and Sedrick back on my bed, brushing off whatever had leaked in the bag. I would have to hide him while I was away, so that no one would come looking for him to rip his head off or something.

  This left me with one bag, I returned to the list.

  A channeller? I had nagged Mum and Dad all summer that they needed to get me one, but obviously they had forgotten!
A channeller is a thing that you wear that channels Magic, everyone has one. You can’t really do proper Magic without one. Everyone in our family has the Blackthorn ring, it’s a silver ring with the Blackthorn family crest intertwining all through it. I was fascinated as a kid and couldn't wait to get mine. I sort of gave up that dream when I was old enough to realise that I was useless at Magic and a burden to the family.

  So what on earth was I supposed to do without a channeller? Would I be turned away from the school? Perish the thought! There’s no way I was spending another day here longer than I had to. I returned to the list.

  A cauldron? We had loads of them lying about I could pilfer. Dad had a load of rusty ones in the garden.

  Ever-changing long robes? Now that’s difficult. Ever-changing clothes are basically clothes that change colour. I am guessing it’s based on what year or class you are in. Ross is going into his last year at Hailing, his long robes were navy, but yesterday they turned dark green. And his tie is red, I know they both mean different things, I just have no idea what, he won’t tell me. I just know that they change by themselves.

  There was no way Mum or Dad was going to take me shopping now, not after what just happened downstairs. Even though it wasn’t my fault.

  ***

  Over the coming days, I had no idea what was happening at the castle. Malakai could have killed my entire family for all I knew. Dad had put so much Magic around these turrets that the only noise I heard was Butler Kilkenny’s old man boots and stiff creaky knees as he climbed the stairs and bent down to push another sandwich through the door flap. They were mostly all dry and horrible by the time he got up here.